Anj

I sit here with a heavy heart and tears streaming down my face.  Trying to write the most difficult blog ever.  I am sorry buddies, but I will be taking a leave from Buddyslim.  I will be losing my job tomorrow and with financial decisions made at home, I can’t afford the internet there.  Please know that I will log on from other computers where and when I can, but I cannot devote the time to Buddyslim like I wish to do.  Nancy will be taking over as a temporary leader as the Wildcat Panther team and will do so until I can come back home to you all.  Okay, well, I can’t see to type any more so I’m going to go now.  I love you all so much and thank you for being a part of what made me who I am today.

garbage bags.  Okay, well maybe not exactly garbage bags but anything that held my fat clothes.  My step-mom has now began her weight loss journey and she has lost enough weight that she fits into the clothes that were my fat clothes and has been bugging me for a new wardrobe for weeks now.  Last night I lugged all the bags up from the basement and went through them.  I had 13 of the contractors sized garbage bags that contained clothes that I have “shrunk” out of.   I was not prepared for the emotional journey that hit me going through those bags.  It was a visit to the past.  A reminder of a different person.  It was strange!  LOL.   I would pull something out and go “Aww, too bad I can’t wear that any longer, I really liked it!”  Then then next thing I was say “WOW, I can’t believe that is where I was.”  It really had me reflecting on how far I have come as a person over the past 15 months.  I no longer hide in my clothes.  Admittedly, I sometimes show off in them.  I no longer fret if something makes me look fat, I have self-confidence now and THAT is what makes me look thin.  I stand up tall, look the world in the eye and tell them to bring it on.  That’s not who I used to be buddies.  (But I did keep one pair of the jeans as a reminder)

Yesterday I blogged about potentially losing my job, and while I’m continuing to feel the stress over it I continue to face the world.  Instead of calling up my boyfriends (Ben and Jerry), I laced up my running shoes and took it out on the treadmill.  My father-in-law also got some devastating news about his health last night and with each stride I took, I thought of him.  And it reminded me that we have one life to live.  This is not a dress rehearsal.  There are no do-overs.  This isn’t a child’s game.  This is your chance to give your all.  Each day is a new opportunity.  And while we may not know what tomorrow has in store for us, we know what we have in store for tomorrow.  So go out and embrace today.  Make your plans to embrace tomorrow.  Treat your friends like family and your family like friends. 

I just went on a total emotional roller coaster ride. Long story short, yesterday I thought I had total job security. This morning I find out that if something doesn’t happen in the next 72 hours I will be standing in the unemployment line. After a few break downs and a few yelling matches I got myself under control and remembered my pact to you all. I needed to look at the positive. This might be a great time for me to make a career change. So I started putting out some feelers and have a potential job offer that pays $5 more an hour than where I currently am AND it would come with benefits, which I don’t have now. So it has just been a crazy day…but it didn’t lead me to chocolate! WOOHOO!  Of course, I got to also give credit where credit is due…thank you to Nancy, Kama, Nicole, Tracey, Deb, and Lori for being there during the meltdowns and the highs.  And thank you to the Panthers for being so supportive and understanding when I can’t be all that I should be as their team leader!  I love you all!!!

Peferrably some “Hurts So Good”  Aw buddies, what a glorious Monday morning it is!  I’m typically not a morning person and most definitely not a Monday person, but I’m in pain and I’m loving it!!  It felt so good to get back on plan yesterday.  You may or may not know that I took a week off with Nancy.  WOW!  It sure did make this body feel good.  My body needed the break.  I was getting bored and wasn’t pushing myself as hard as I normally would.  I was exercising for the sake of exercising.  Not to get up the heart rate or to build muscle.  I was just going through the motions.  Nancy talked me into taking a break and while I was skeptical at first, I gotta tell ya…it was the best thing for me.  Not only was I more relaxed, I got to catch up on some other things that I miss doing (taking a long bath or reading a good book).  By Thursday or so I was really starting to miss working out, but that made getting back to it yesterday so much sweeter!  I can’t put into words how excited I am to be exercising.  To be eating healthy.  To be drinking my water!  My MOJO is back, I’m back and I’m running on all cylinders!  Watch out world!!!!!

Okay buddies, I took a deep breath and now I’m back and going to try to write this blog one more time.  Here is the deal.  I’m sitting at work and I’m frustrated.  And it stems from alot of things.  I am reading blog after blog and commenting on blog after blog telling people to take a deep breath, stop stressing, that they are doing great!  I miss the days of Buddyslim where people were shouting about their accomplishments from the rooftops.  I miss the days where people gave wonderful advice and others took it.  Several times in the past week I have read blogs of people being upset that they have maintained.  Yes, maintaining can be frustrating.  I know.  I have been technically “maintaining” since September!  Some of those people have only maintained for a week or two.  Why aren’t they looking at the positive…at least they didn’t gain!  I have read several blogs where people are upset because they aren’t losing 6 pounds a week.  Again…where is the positive shout out…be grateful for any loss!!!!!  Now, I’m not saying all blogs are negative or that they don’t take their negative blog and put a positive spin on it.  Just yesterday, Betsy blogged about how she is losing her mojo.  She called out for help and she got some great advice.  She took the advice and she is running with it.  Guess what?!  Betsy girl GOT HER MOJO BACK!  Here is the challenge I want to put out to all of you…look at the positive side of things.  If you fee the need to write a negative blog that’s cool, it’s your blog, but try to find something positive to put into it too.

My positive part of this blog?  It’s Friday!  It’s the first day of Spring!  It’s a glorious afternoon and I have wonderful buddies!

Okay, I tried three times to write a blog that I can vent my frustrations in and it just isn’t working.  I need to take a breather and come back and try again.  Sorry

Couldn’t think of a title so I kinda stole Nancy’s.  LOL, it’s okay though I don’t think she’ll mind.  So buddies, I have some questions for you and I hope I don’t come off sounding offensive, but I have somethings that I’m having a hard time understanding and I really wanna know.

Luckily I have never had to deal with emotional eating.  I know some of my buddies really struggle with that though.  Just this week I called a couple team members on the carpet and said….hey…look at what you are doing!  How come?  Sure, it might be tough love, but I really want to know.  What makes you tick?  What makes you feel like a double hot fudge sundae with whipped cream and nuts is going to make you feel any better than a floor pounding workout?  You think that it is going to make you feel better in the moment, but we all know that 10, 15, 60 minutes afterwards it really doesn’t.  And it certainly doesn’t when you hit the scale for your weigh in.  So you are having a crappy day at work…why dive into the candy dish instead of grabbing a piece of gum or taking an extra long potty break to practice some yoga breathing?  Struggling with finances (aren’t we all?)?  Does a high grocery bill make your heart do flips?  Well that is understandable…but for the amount of money you can spend at Mickey D’s for one meal you can get yourself a whole bunch of healthier alternatives that can last through the week.  So enough about that…but if someone could clear that up for me or just say “Hey, this is where I’m coming from” I would really appreciate it so I could at least understand it a bit better.

Now…on to something else…TIME!  Again, something that it seems we run out of before you know it.  My inspiration for this comes back to my daughter, Paige again.  She is one smart cookie and when she is having trouble with spelling she asks me to break it down for her.  Last week the word was poisonous.  So we broke it down.  Po-is-o-no-us.  Guess what?!  She aced her spelling test and can now spell poisonous in her sleep.  She could probably spell it backwards if you asked her to.  How does this relate to time?  Buddies…break it down!  Don’t have time for a 1/2 hour workout?  Break it down into 10 minute workouts.  Don’t have time to fix a healthy meal?  Make a large healthy meal and break it down into several meals.  Don’t have time to give all the support that you wish you could on BS?  (ahem Kama) Then break it down!!!!  Do what you can when you can and remember that it is better than doing nothing at all!

And my last question.  What is with all this talk about quitting and giving up?  This isn’t aimed at any one in particular, but I have read some blogs that others have commented on blogs they read so I don’t know who I’m directing this to (If that makes any sense).  Anyway…for those of you that are thinking of giving up…why?  Because it’s hard?  Because you only lost 1 pound instead of 20 your first week?  Because there is too much else going on?  Yes, it’s hard…and you are worth it.  So what if you only lost 1 pound instead of 20….that’s one pound you never, ever have to see again and it’s healthier that way.  And if you have too much going on…scroll up and read the third paragraph!  Break-it-down!  Buddies, you may have to fight this battle more than once to win it.  But you can win it!  Don’t ever, ever sell yourselves short. 

At one time, I thought, I will never be able to do this without my husbands support.  Okay, yeah, he supports me, but it is ME that is getting it done!  At the end of the day…I look at the woman in the mirror and I either give her a big pat on the back and a beautiful smile or I grumble at her and make her promise to do better tomorrow.  But I will NEVER say that I quit.  I’m not a quitter.  And neither are you.  All I ask is that you believe in yourself…like the rest of us believe in you.